Boom! The sound of a rocket going off in here. It has been quiet here at WDC; real life yanked pending posts by the hair, forced them not so nicely into the back seat. They are still there. kicking and screaming in my head like a child denied chocolate for breakfast.
No, I have not forgotten about any of you. How could I?
I have been dealing with chest pains, phantom daggers of death that plunge into my chest by some cold unseen hand. That is, until my logical brain tells me to relax, and get over the stress. Irony paints a lovely picture, especially when the pains appear after you have just begun to relax.
Yes, it is hard to push away fear’s dirty, long fingernail as it scratches inside your chest, spiking your heartbeat and scrambling your brains over burning butter like hastily whipped eggs.
What the hell is wrong with me? Nothing. See, that is the irony. Nothing is wrong with me, except that I need to relax.
Diabetes is under control. Check. My numbers have been amazing over the last little while. I have averaged out at 5.4 for the last 30 days by my meter. Since I have tested about 290 times in the last 30 days, I can be confident that the number is true. I compared it to a chart online, and see the the number corresponds with an H1ABC of 5.0% to 5.1% A normal result is between 4.6% and 6.0%.
I have spent my last few weeks reconciling a food cost problem at work. The aggravation of finding the answers has been insidious to me, causing the tense muscles, and the sheer terrorizing pains whose vice-like grip reminds your what an utter fool you are to relax.
Relax I must though.
I have taken up a little urban hiking with Hershey. I bought some hiking shoes, so I shall have to wear those out proper. One thing I miss from my days in Jasper is the ability to go hiking in scenery that smacks you into reality. I still say that to the mountain, my problems are nothing, as the mountain will still always remain. I remember having that epiphany on the top of Old Fort Point. (A small hiking trail outside of JPL.)
Writing releases my inner emotions, and I am truly sorry that I have let it lapse. I will rectify that as best I can. It is one thing that cannot be taken away from me. I will write until they pry that pen out of my icy cold locked fingers. If I can still breathe, I will always have that.
Cheers, and on to brighter thoughts!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
maybe those are panic attacks coming to the surface? i’m not a doc, but i know if i don’t workout (outside of the kitchen) and release all that pent up anger, stress, crap…I get ‘panic-like- symptoms.
i saw the rhubarb post above….don’t hate me, but i hate rhubarb or i haven’t found the right way to use it/season it.
@dawn – Yah, panic attacks suck. Trust me. I once went to the emergency because I thought I was having a heart attack. The good thing to come out of that was I quit smoking.
I am sorry that you hate rhubarb. What about it that you do not like? I have seen it in several cool ways here and there, and the taste is second to none paired with duck or the like…
jason-
i think i need my rhuburp to taste like candy….so maybe if i put it in a cremem brulee i’ll eat it. lol
work on those panic attacks….i used to suffer BADLY from them. not anymore….